I hate winter.

I'm lame.  I know it.  And I can't seem to shake this lameness.  Life has been uneventful.  I feel like my brain is slowly wasting away with every verse of I'm A Little Teapot. Please don't misunderstand me; I love being a mom.  I love Lil.  Just the thought of her melts my grumpy little heart.  Can't get enough of her.  Seriously. 

Things I CAN get enough of: sick-nasty diapers, runny noses all over me, never ending rivers of baby saliva (also all over me), the smell of formula, living out of boxes.

Things I currently miss: adult interaction (read: talking, lots of talking), feeling educated on current affairs, wearing heels, Dallas, feeling like a grown up!

It's Friday.  It snowed.  It's cold.  I'm in a minor funk. 

 Please disregard this blatant whine-fest.  

GOAL:  Write a post this week that proves I really am ecstatically happy and truly believe I have the best life.

Sunday thoughts

At church today the Young Women and Young Men's presidents spoke.  They both gave good talks.  Some stuff the Young Men's president said made me think about judging others.  I just wanted to jot down some thoughts.  Hopefully it is somewhat coherent so y'all can understand what I'm trying to say!  These are thoughts that started while living in Dallas.

The speaker started of with a small anecdote about a Mormon attending a Southern Baptist sabbath meeting. The Mormon felt an overwhelming sense of love and acceptance from the Baptist congregation.  No judgments. Just love.

The first thought I had was that we as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believe in 'absolute truth' and/or 'universal truth'.  We believe things to be pretty cut and dry, right and wrong; it's been ingrained in us since birth.  Which is why I think it can be somewhat easy for us to become judgmental of those we see who may not be living in accordance with that truth.  I think that sometimes we let our perception of other's lives and choices interfere with just loving and accepting them.

The second thought I had was that I also don't think that our judging stops there.  I also think that we have a tendency to inaccurately judge the level of perfection in ourselves.  The speaker quoted a statistic that said that Utah has the highest level of depression in the country.  (I do not know what study he found this in, nor do I know the level of accuracy but I believe the point still stands...Utahn's struggle with depression.)  Why, when we have the happiness of belonging to God's church are we depressed?  My own personal experiences and observations lead me to believe it is because we are too hard on ourselves.  We know what we should be doing to be perfect.  We also fail at being perfect everyday.  

Anyway, I guess I just relate to the story.  I moved from Mormon dominated Utah into 'Christian' Texas.  I never once felt judged for being a Mormon.  I felt love and acceptance from the friends I met there.  I am grateful for their example of those most important qualities.  And I hope I can extend those feelings of love and acceptance to everyone, including myself.

All These Things

The other day I was driving in the car listening to a mix CD that I've listened to hundreds of times when suddenly I realized I was listening to the perfect song that describs how I feel about my little girl.  

Maybe it's her laugh when she throws back and sighs

Or her eyebrows when I do something stupid

Maybe it's her smell, the lotion she wears

Or how my hands smell like {baby lotion} for days

You know it could be all these things

But I think mostly it is her smile

Cause I love to see her smile back at me

And I know she is happy

Maybe it's her touch, the feel of her hands

When she puts her tiny fingers in mine

Maybe it's her eyes gently searching my soul

Still nothing stirs me like when I see those lips roll

and I see her smile

Cause I love to see her smile back at me

And I know she is happy

-Stephen Speaks

(Those who know the song will recognize that I left out the first verse...not quite as applicable!  And the subsitution of 'baby lotion' for 'country pear'-ha!)

SHHHH!!!

I realize that I'm probably being way over sensative to this but it drives me just a wee bit crazy when people "shhh" my baby. To me "shhhing" people (or children) implies that they are doing something wrong. And a 4 month old can't be doing THAT much wrong! Also, "Shhhhh" is not a soothing sound meant to calm a distressed infant...it's meant to quiet annoying movie talkers or possibly older children who have gotten overly rambunctious.

Anyway, just a small rant.

Not a huge surprise

As usual, I'm having all sorts of issues with computers, stolen cameras, broken USB ports, random 3 day internet outages, returning missionaries (Dave's brother Dan), visiting families (Dave's sister Lara and her two kids), 5 day head colds, etc. which has been making my blogging life rather frustrating, difficult, and/or non-existent.

And all of these issues have dampened my blogging soul.  

But tonight Dave and I (Dave does design and I do code) have been working on redesigning my blog and I must say it has rejuvinated my down-trodden blogging spirit!  I feel inspired to try yet again to surpass the many obsticals.

Tweeet!

Alright...here's the deal. I've gotten rather in to the whole twitter thing (now that I have the app on my phone). It's like facebook status updates only better! I think it's really fun and I love being able to keep up with what others are doing but I'm having a hard time finding people I know from the twitter people search. So...if any of you use twitter (and don't mind if I twitter stalk you a little) I would LOVE for you to let me know your twitter ID so I can follow you!

For those who would like mine: http://twitter.com/mikelb

And for those who would like to join twitter (come on...you know you wanna!): twitter.com

And the chaos continues...

So I'm not sure if y'all have noticed or not but it has been a while since I last posted! We're still in the process of getting settled here in Alpine. Our stuff finally arrived on Saturday but our lives are still pretty chaotic...my brain does NOT do well with chaos. At this point our stuff is still kinda all over the place and we are just waiting for a bed at which point we should finally be able to get this show on the road and comletely move in...until then we are still sleeping in Dave's brother's room. I'm about this close to going crazy!

I have about 7 'draft' posts that are (and have been for a weeks) almost ready to go. Each post has some small element missing that is keeping me from posting. At this point I'm trying to take pictures a few more things, round up pictures from 3 different cameras, track down cords for said cameras, and think up answers to tags all in hopes of ever getting the neglected posts posted!

Where's Batman when you really need him??

Last night Dave and I met up with some friends to see The Dark Knight at the American Fork theater. After spending two and a half hours watching Batman kick the trash out of a whole city's worth of criminals making Gotham a safer place to be, we headed out to our car only to find the passanger side window knocked out and my diaper bag gone. Apparently a few other cars in the lot were also hit at the theater last night.

Unfortunately for the poor thief my diaper bag has almost nothing of any value in it. Let's see...a changing pad, 1 diaper, a few wipes, hand sanitizer, cuticle cutters, my two favorite lip glosses, credit cards (which were promptly cancelled), small container of formula complete with measuring scoop, my favorite pen, and most definitely NO cash. One thing that doesn't have any real resale value but I suppose the thief could use himself is my camera. It is very old and we have been complaining about our need for a new one for a long time now. The only real tragedy is the loss of the pictures that were on the camera's memory card. But luckily I have already blogged the cutest of the pictures that were on that camera so most of our memories are not lost.

Side Note: Dave and I find it rather ironic that we lasted a whole year living in Irving about a block away from some of the scummiest parts of town without any such incidents and we're only here in Happy Valley for a week before we're hit!

The Love of a Mother

I have often heard that you really don't understand how much your parents love you until you have your own child. I have always taken that to mean that you have to actually experience the love of your own child to understand the love your parents have for you. While I definitely think that is true, after having my own little girl, I believe I have found further insight into that idea.

For me, I think the best comprehension of my mom's love for me came during the few weeks after Lily's birth. It came in the way my mom swept in and took care of me. She was there for me during one of the most challenging times of my life. She showered me with love, praise, and understanding. She took care of all those other things that need to be done so I could focus on taking care of my little one. She took care of me when I was too distracted to take care of myself.


I am beyond grateful for my mother and for the time we had to spend together with my own daughter. I can only hope to be half the mother to Lily and my mom is to me!

Memory Lane

I saw this on a friend's blog and thought I could use a little stroll down Memory Lane.

1. Add a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. I can't wait to see what people remember.

Economics + Love = Happily Ever After

An article that proves how romantic Economics really is! I mean how could we NOT have fallen in love in econ class?!

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/13/business/13every.html?ei=5087&em=&en=7bd9ffd7ca313b8f&ex=1216353600&adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1216227822-WtJ4eRWDE9mVwMpYrjncxw

Blog Withdrawals

The last week and a half has been a complete blur and a rather long dark tunnel. Labor and delivery went better than I could have hoped. I feel so blessed to finally have my perfect, healthy, happy, little one in my arms. [Side note: Lily is the world's best cuddler! If anyone is in need of a quality cuddle, Lily will rock your world!]

Most of the long dark tunnel has been due to the fact that we have had a rough go at the whole breastfeeding thing. Man, it has been so frustrating. I don't think I've ever shed so many tears (both from worry and pain) in my life! I don't particularly want to recap all the details here cause I've already told the story about a million times. Basically, she wasn't latching and when she came close the pain was excruciating for me. But this morning we had a major break through. I have no idea what changed...certainly not anything I did...but out of the blue Lily latched on and the pain was actually at a bearable level! So we've been having rather successful feedings all day! I know we still have a ways to go but I can't even express how relieved and happy I feel.

Anyway, I just felt the need to write cause I've also been experiencing blog withdrawals! Now that there is light at the end of that long dark tunnel I'm hoping to be able to get back to my long lost love!

I was just thinking...

I really want to express my gratitude to all of you for writing such encouraging and helpful comments and making me feel so loved and supported. I can't even begin to say how much it means to me.

Thank you.

Family Gems

The LDS website has a section were you can get email subscriptions called 'Gems.' These Gems are basically quotes from church leaders on different topics. I subscribe to the Family Gems so twice a week I get an email with a quote specifically about families. I really liked today's...

"It's easy to know what to teach. The scriptures and our prophets are clear about what to teach our children. Nephi summarizes it in this verse, 'And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ . . . that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins' (2 Nephi 25:26).

"Knowing that we teach of Christ and His gospel, how do we do it? Begin by following the counsel of our prophets and making time in our homes for family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening. Have we heard that counsel so often that it seems too simple? Or are we so busy that adding one more thing feels too complex? I testify that even when our family worship seems less than effective, obedience alone invites the blessings of the Lord."

(Margaret S. Lifferth, "Behold Your Little Ones," Ensign, Nov. 2006, 74-75)

I suddenly feel very special

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 2 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

However, the site said there are 7,598 people named "Mikel"in the country and 99.9% of them are male! I very well may be the ONLY female Mikel out there!

Childbirth class...double yikes....

Yesterday was the second of two classes that Dave and I attended in preparation for Lily. Again, overall, I found it helpful and informative. And again, it didn't totally relieve all my fears of labor and delivery. But I did leave feeling more optimistic. Basic class outline:

Discomforts and warning signs of labor: The most helpful part of this section was talking about the difference between how Braxton Hicks contractions and real labor contractions feel.

Anatomy and Terminology: Don't think I learned anything new here...I'm pretty aware of the anatomy and terminology involved at this point. (The first question on the sheet was something like "The upside down pear-shaped organ that houses your baby during pregnancy--" If you don't know what your uterus is by now...you got bigger problems!)

Stages and Phases of Labor: I actually found this section extremely helpful. It was nice to see the 3 different phases of labor broken down, given time frames, and levels of dilation, etc. For example, Phase 1 (Early Labor) is the longest, usually lasting up to 8 hours, with dilation of 1-3 cm. Phase 2 (Active Labor) usually about 5 hours, with dilation of 3-7 cm. Phase 3 (Transition) is the worst one but also the shortest usually only lasting 2 hours tops. All of this is given a normal/healthy labor obviously.

Comfort Measures/Breathing and Relaxation: This section was alright. We practiced some breathing, imagery, distraction techniques. We'll just have to see how useful those turn out to be.

Medications: Again, don't think I really learned anything new that pertains to my situation.

Tour: We took a tour of the hospital. Always good to have some idea where you're going and what the rooms will be like. Seemed nice enough!

Cesarean: This was the part that left me just as freaked out (if not more) than I already was. Mostly because since Lily is so big there is a real chance that I'll have to have one. I'll be having another ultrasound in about two weeks to get an idea of how big she is when I come to term. Then I'll have a meeting with my doctor to discuss possibilities...I DON'T WANT A C-SECTION!

Postpartum: I have to admit I wasn't paying all that much attention to this part...I was just more focused on the getting-the-child-here-safely part of the class.

Alright...only 3 more weeks until I come to term...can I make it one more month??

A reluctant post about the FLDS

I had made the conscious decision that I didn't want to get involved or wrapped up at all with the FLDS stuff here in Texas. When I first saw the headlines all I could think was, "Oh no, not this polygamy stuff again! I don't want to have to deal with explaining that those people are NOT us!" So I decided I wanted to remain completely ignorant and wash my hands of the whole thing so that if anyone asked I could just say that I didn't know anything about those polygamist weirdos.

That is, until I talked to my mom earlier this week and she told me that more than 400 children had been taken from their homes and mothers! After having now spent a few days reading about the whole situation I feel a wide range of (often conflicting) emotions: shock, outrage, sympathy, repulsion. As it turns out, this isn't really even about polygamy. It's about constitutional rights.

But, instead of going on a rant about the whole situation I'll just direct you to a couple of people who have written posts that describe my own feelings probably better than I can. Jeff Lindsay and Connor Boyack.

Big Fat Whiner

I haven't posted for a few days but it hasn't been for the lack of desire. Unfortunately, everything I have to say these days feels like whining. So I haven't written anything in an attempt to spare everyone from having to listen (read) my complaints!

So just to get it out of my system, I'm writing this short post to whine about how I'm not writing posts so I don't whine!

Have a nice day!

Breastfeeding class...yikes...

Yesterday was the first of two classes that we are attending at the hospital in preparation for Lily. It was very informative. And while I found it a valuable experience...I can't say it relieved all of my breastfeeding fears. But at least I don't feel like I'm going into it completely ignorant anymore.

Most comforting thing I learned: Breastfeeding shouldn't hurt (tender breasts aside). If it hurts, you're doing it wrong. Check the latch.

Least comforting thing I learned: She kept saying it will probably take at least a month to get the hang of it! I had previously heard two weeks...a month+ seems a tad overwhelming.

We live in a black hole.

As much as we really love our little apartment there are a few serious drawbacks.

1. We don't get cell service inside our apartment--beyond annoying, if I'm not careful I might go on a tirade about that for hours!

2. We don't get steady internet inside our apartment.

3. Mail seems to enter a time warp when being sent to us and for some reason we always seem to get it about a week late.

4. We live on the bottom floor facing the inside of our complex, which just means we really don't get much by way of natural light.

Now, living in a black hole also leaves us rather uninformed at times. For example, apparently Dallas had some weather. We were aware of, and woken up by, some serious storms a few times this week but by morning everything seemed fine, it was still at least 70 degrees, it couldn't have been that bad, right?

Umm...tornadoes??